High-Functioning Anxiety: When You Look Fine but Feel Exhausted
You are always so productive and put together. People wonder how in the world you get everything done that you do in a day. But at the end of the day you feel more than exhausted. You’re depleted. But somehow also can’t sit still and definitely don’t want to be alone with your thoughts. You wonder if you have anxiety but then think to yourself: Do people with anxiety do all the things I do?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
What is High-Functioning Anxiety?
High-functioning anxiety is when you go throughout your days and weeks and might not even notice there’s an underlying problem. You get everything done on your checklist, you make the bed, finish the project at work on time, and even get the kids ready for school everyday. But when you finally slow down (whether intentionally or forced to) your body feels on edge, uncomfortable, you can’t sit still, or your mind races thinking about all the different things that need to be done EVEN IF they don’t need to be done right then. This is the anxiety that doesn’t look like anxiety.
High-functioning anxiety isn’t a formal diagnosis, but it’s a very real experience for many people.
Signs You Might Have High-Functioning Anxiety
Let’s look at some signs of high-functioning anxiety:
You’re productive but always tired–rest never feels satisfying
You feel restless when you try to relax–slowing down feels uncomfortable
You overthink conversations and decisions
You anticipate others’ needs before your own
You feel responsible for things that aren’t yours
You push through stress instead of slowing down
Why High-Functioning Anxiety Is So Easy to Miss
It can be so painful to have everyone telling you that you’re “doing great” while on the inside you're struggling and feeling alone. It’s so unfortunate that high-functioning anxiety is easy to miss because you may look like everyone else going about their day but internally your nervous system is SCREAMING.
For people with other kinds of anxiety it can be easy to spot because they might not go to social gatherings (social anxiety), be able to speak up at a work meeting, they might spend all their time doing one task (cleaning the house) and it gets in the way of their daily life.
High-functioning anxiety often goes unnoticed because in our achievement-based society we often see this as a good thing! Anxiety gets mistaken for motivation or drive—when in reality, it’s your body’s way of avoiding what feels threatening.
What’s Really Driving High-Functioning Anxiety
A Nervous System That Learned to Stay Alert
Oftentimes what’s driving high-functioning anxiety is a fear, whether that’s fear of rejection or abandonment.
People with high-functioning anxiety have learned from a young age that in order to get attention, approval, love they have to be productive. So their bodies learned to ignore internal signs that they are exhausted, depleted, and override them to produce something so other people will give that person what they need.
Productivity became the pathway to safety.
This is a protective response–our bodies long to feel safe and loved and will do what it takes to make that happen. So when things feel out of control or overwhelming, people with high-functioning anxiety will turn to busy-ness in order to control their emotions and the situation and feel calmer.
The Role of People-Pleasing and Approval
For many people, staying busy also becomes a way to stay connected to others. For some people this looks like:
Focusing on other people’s needs instead of your own
Constantly worrying about what other people are thinking of you
Trying to predict what others want from you to meet that desire
Believing that your worth is conditional and based on what you do for others
Why Rest Feels So Hard (Even When You’re Exhausted)
At this point, you may be wondering “why do I find resting so hard?” I’m glad you asked!
Rest can feel threatening to a nervous system that’s always activated. If your body is used to feeling on edge, then rest can feel scary because then your body isn’t “ready” for whatever comes its way. It feels vulnerable. Your body hasn’t yet learned that it doesn’t need to stay on edge to be safe.
Another reason is because when you slow down there are less distractions. To a person with high-functioning anxiety, distractions are comfortable and safe. Distractions allow your mind to focus on something controllable instead of being flooded with fears of endless scenarios. Slowing down allows space for all those fears of worth or what other people think of you to come back.
If you haven’t heard this yet: rest isn’t laziness, it’s just unfamiliar.
The Hidden Cost of Always ‘Holding It Together’
As I’m sure you know, there’s a cost to never slowing down and always being the one to “have it together”. Here are just some of those:
Chronic fatigue and burnout
Emotional numbness
Resentment and disconnection
Anxiety turning into depression or shutdown
Losing touch with your own needs
Over time, what once helped you cope begins to cost you more than it gives.
Healing High-Functioning Anxiety Isn’t About Doing Less
You may be thinking: so do I just do less? If my anxiety is about being productive and staying busy, is the cure to do the opposite? Well yes and no.
What we aren’t trying to do is be careless or unmotivated. What would help healing is helping your nervous system finally feel safe enough to soften. We want to move you from self-discipline to self-attunement. This could look like instead of thinking “I can’t skip a workout ever”, thinking “what does my body need today”.
We want to move you from control to connection. Either with yourself or others.
You’re Not Broken—Your Body Has Been Working Overtime
One thing I want you to take away from this is: You aren’t broken. I want you to take a deep breath with me and let it out.
Your body has been working so hard to keep people close, keep away fears of what others think about you, and to keep you safe. And it’s probably done a great job! You’re here today because of that safety.
But you don’t have to live like this anymore. So many clients tell me that what once kept them safe is now keeping them stuck. Healing isn’t about erasing that part of you—it’s about helping your body learn a new way to feel safe. I help clients find freedom from their stuck spots and I want that for you too.
If this resonates, you don’t have to carry it alone. High-functioning anxiety often means you’ve been strong for a long time—sometimes longer than your body can sustain. Support can help your nervous system soften and learn a new way of being. If you’re curious about what that might look like, I’d love to connect.